AliceLolita

i am full of contradictions, but not hypocrisy. my whole life i have longed desperately to be a vessel from which the most glorious music could flow forth. for music is in me. it is me. but for His own reasons that my earthly human mind can not fathom, my Lord God has denied me this one and only wish. i can produce music, but i can not create it. i am content with that. but this hindrance of my creative genius has manifested itself in other ways. some of these are my love of the written word and my ability to express emotion through words and sentences. so this is what i do. i write and write and write. writewritewritewritewritewrite. i could write forever unceasingly if it were not for my intense and frustratingly present writer’s block. this is another curse which i must live with and content myself. but in those few glorious moments of maniacal inspiration i am most happy. but i do not just produce words, i absorb them as well. i loved books from before i could even decipher their contents. and ever since i learned to read i have loved it and done it often. but i am no just limited to these three passions. i love and hold close to my heart many other things: languages, baking, cake decorating, conducting, the performing arts, the visual arts [though i have no talent for them], religion, theology, philosophy, Nihilism, Marxism, fashion, paganism, research, history, geography, archaeology, Biblical studies, and the military. another aspiration of mine is to be a sailor. the sea has been tugging at my heartstrings for a long while. i am drawn to it like a siren call. and i think one day it will be my life and my love. but above all of that, my number one passion, love, fear, and ecstasy is my Lord God. the Holy Trinity of the Father [my father and your father], the Son [my King and Saviour, Jesus Christ], and the Holy Spirit [which fills me everyday with a love and gentleness and charity that was not there when i came into this world] is my Everything, my All In All. believe me. don’t believe me. your soul is your own now. do with it what you wish. it is my concern, but i know that i will never convince even a fraction of those living on this earth that their Father loves them and has manifested that love in His Son. all i can do is pray, which i do. i pray for redemption, patience, contentedness, charity, love, peace, protection, strength and courage. i pray for those i love and for those i have lost. i pray for the world, my Mother and home until that day of judgment, and its release from bondage, sickness and enslavement. and i pray for humanity. judge me as you will, but do not group me, under any circumstance, in the same category as those whom you and i both dislike. do not assume me to be a crazed and ungodly Messiah-figure. i do not force my beliefs upon others. i do not damn them for their sinful ways because they are my ways too. yes, i do try and set a Christ-like example for those around me, believers or no. i lead others onto the path through charity, love and kindness, not condemnation and violence. that is wrong and those who do it will suffer the worst of all. just remember that. all i want is to live the way i please without judgment from those who have no right to judge. so please don’t slander my name [or anybody’s name] because i walk in a different light and to a different drummer to yourself, or the world. just live. and let me live.
things i love: cake, cookies, tea, Victoriandustrial and Steampunk, heavy metal, my Zune, books, aviators, big hair, Russia, Devon, autumn, sweaters, plaid, Uggs, make up, texting, corduroy, writing, photography, Russian Java Monster, gypsies, trolls, goblins, the names Jennifyr Kathryn Noelle and Devon Nicholas James [my kids will have these names. and yes, two middle names], tea parties, Alice In Wonderland, fitted shirts, skinny jeans, leggings, snakebites, pianos, bass guitars, bassoons, British comedy and humor, Pythonesque comedy. equestrianism, history, Harry Potter, LOTR, mob and gangster movies, well groomed nails, stars, the moon, glitter, rosaries, the east coast, A&F, quills, the 18th century, the Regency era, the Renaissance, archaeology, Appalachia, Taco Bell, holidays, sonnets and aires, hugs, fireplaces, pine trees, grey eyes, my family, musical instruments, candles, clocks, pocket watches, walking sticks, comments, Dr. Pepper, my literature boyfriends [Severus Snape, Colonel Brandon, Remus Lupin, Haldir of Lorien, and Humbert Humbert], neat hair, piercings, tattoos, intelligence
things i hate: Jägermeister, humidity, unnecessary violence, ignorance, intolerance, the color yellow, bondage pants, black lipstick, Twilight, being overheated, vertigo, long car rides, soft rock, spring, bananas, hot places, when people ruin books, Nazism, when clothes don’t fit me right, nausea, being ignored, tanorexics, when people think i’m bulemic/anorexic, sunburns, dampness, stroganoff, when people call me "baby", being judged, small rooms, large crowds, needles, syringes, birds, fish, swimming in deep water