xxdeathlylovexx

I'm 17, and there aren't enough words in the English vocabulary to completly define who I am. I am my own person, I don't have a specific label or fit any particular group. I wear clothing that expresses my mood and follows no pattern or type.I dress how and what I like to wear and what ever I feel suits me. I act according to the way I am and no one and nothing can change that. I listen to whatever I want and I am who I am.If you have a problem with that feel free to close the window and get the effing out of my profile.Go Ahead, that tiny red x at the top right corner awaits you.

I have written over 100 poems and a few of them are posted, others have been destroyed or lost forever, yet a few are not posted and never will be. I write some of my own music, I enjoy playing guitar, drums and keyboard. Music and writting are two of my greatest passions. I know I'm seriously depressed and have managed to avoid being diagnosed with it, I can and will avoid antidepressents at all costs. I drink my own blood as part of my cutting obssession. I don't care what other people think about it, and I am willing to listen to other people's opinion most of the time.I'm not proud of the way I survive on myself. It's a path of regret and secrecy.I depend on my habit to live, and it's become part of who I am. It's something I'm not sure if I want to give up, and something that is definatly hard to give up on.Everyone thinks it's easy to stop, but it's not, it's addicting and hard to control. Once you make the first wound, rarely does anyone stop at that. I don't know anyone who stopped there. Another downside is that, the more often you do it, the less effective it is and you just make it up by cutting deeper and more frequently. It doesn't hurt , your body just numbs itself at this point and you can't feel the pain.The further you choose to take it, the more blood flows, and if you have ever tasted it and enjoyed it, you become dependent on the whole thing.It's a endless cycle. At least endless for me. I haven't cut for 2 weeks, I'm trying the best to hold myself back and give myself a chance to heal. Please feel free to leave a comment or check out some of the things I've written.

All typed/ written posts are copyright to :xxdeathlylovexx. If you want to use my posts please let me know before using them. © 2009 XxDeathly LovexX