RunningxForxMyxLife

i'm Courtney. i don't get the concept of 'briefing,' so i'll just tell it all how it is. i'm 16 & a sophomore. im a Christian. the school i go to is literally held together with duct tape, dip, and confederate flags. i hate it. if my life is still going right, i'll be moving out in about a year. honesty is my policy. and i have an overactive conscience, if that's possible. i'm ridiculously overanalytical and i'm bad at making decisions... not that i have trouble making the right decisions, but that i can't make any decision, period. im ignorant. im impatient. im indecisive. i overthink a lot. yet at the same time, i notice if someone parts their hair differently. im willing to wait for hours on end for someone to call. i wish i could go back in time to think small things over even more. im an artist. i paint. i sketch. i draw. i doodle elephants on the edges of my chemistry notes. i write, so much. if i randomly think of something i know i need to remember to use, i have to write it down. but if i don't have paper i just write it all over my hands. i write poems. almost always about life and death, and rarely not. they're mostly personal, and i consider someone special if i actually let them read one. i write stories. about random things, not even making sense over half the time. i write down strange happenings. i keep a journal full of wierd dreams. i hope to one day discover their meanings by finding someone in that kind of profession, whom i can trust. im serious about my mind. though im growing crazy as time passes, im trying to find out why i think things over like i do. some things i just can't get past. they bother me, so i deal with it by writing it all down. i don't know if it helps. it just pleases me, is all i know. i love music. (i'm a sucker for anything soft, but i think you're cute when you scream..) music helps me think better. i care more about what the songs say than what they sound like. i try to listen to the words of every song i hear. i try to make sense out of them, so i can relate to the song. and if i do, it's worthy enough to sing and keep with me. they give me ideas of what im trying to think, and just can't find the right words. i can be so corny, sometimes. a lot. i love stupid jokes. i have the most obnoxious laugh in the universe. but i know someone who actually loves it. im proud to say im in love with Terry Schwartz, my boyfriend, who never ceases to amaze me x3.there is absolutely NOBODY better, and i thank God for him. back to me:i am generally a good person, if youre good to me. i love to meet new people. im like...a sharpie in a box of crayons. i can be very bold and a loudmouth. i have a bad habit of speaking my mind, but im getting better. im sometimes bipolar. i can change my likings daily and almost drastically. i hate it when people say i don't talk much, even though i can be antisocial sometimes. but only becuz i honestly can't think of words to say. i'll even overthink to try to speak, but it never works. im really clumsy at times, and scared of too many damn things. i hate the dark. i hate solitude. i hate dolls. i hate camel crickets. i hate horses. i hate crab legs. i hate people shrieking my name from behind me. im so jumpy. i hate it. i scream at sudden loud noises, and sometimes just movements. i hate people who take that to their advantage. i ALSO hate compulsive liars. i grow sick of people i have to put up with seeing every day, because i know they've lied to me, who only months before i used to believe every word they said to me. i used to be so naive. i used to be innocent. but it seems the less people i trust the better things work out for me. but i won't lie; im not happy with who im trying to become at the moment. and i still don't know why im trying to become this person. just another mental conundrum. i'm kind of a stickler for grammar/spelling. i'm a nerd, too. i have a really detailed memory. i am a 'retired' first degree black-belt in Tae Kwon Do Kempo, and would like to know more on self-defense. especially from drunk bitches who swing hot curling irons. long story. anyways, i love my friends. it would be hard to live without them. i try to love my family, but it gets really tough. my parents are not the kind to cheer for you and support your opinions. mine tend to ignore me. i enjoy my life, as low as it may seem at times, but i can't find any reason not to. other than karma. and compulsive liars, fears, a dysfunctional family, and the unsolved mysteries of the mind.Life Ranks,,,,but theres nothing we can do, but we all just deal, and the earth still turns slowly...
oh, by the way, if you'd like, add me on myspace. like i said, i love meeting new people. i don't care if i kno you or not, just add me. :)
url: www.myspace.com/concealed__captured_mind
music:
a day to remember, the academy is..., aerosmith, afi, aiden, alesana, alexisonfire, alkaline trio, the almost, amber pacific, anberlin, angels & airwaves, armor for sleep, as cities burn, as i lay dying, at the throne of judgment, atreyu, august burns red, backseat goodbye, beastie boys, blessthefall, blink-182, blip blip bleep, bob dylan, boys like girls, boxcar racer, brand new, breaking benjamin, bright eyes, the chariot, chevelle, chiodos, circa survive, city and colour, the classic crime, closure, coldplay, the cranberries, cute is what we aim for, dashboard confessional, deathcab for cutie, destroy the runner, the devil wears prada, dresden dolls, drop dead gorgeous, the early november, emarosa, emmure, envy on the coast, escape the fate, every time i die, fall out boy, fear before the march of flames, finch, flogging molly, flyleaf, for today, four year strong, frank sinatra, from first to last, the fully down, greeley estates, green day, haste the day, halifax, hawk nelson, hawthorne heights, hellogoodbye, here i come falling, hidden in plain view, hit the lights, houston calls, i am the myth, i can make a mess like nobody's business, ice nine kills, imogen heap, incubus, jack's mannequin, jamisonparker, jars of clay, jimmy eat world, johnny cash, josephine collective, the killers, the killing moon, killswitch engage, kings of leon, kutless, linkin park, luke pickett, lykke li, mae, margot & the nuclear so and so's, massive attack, matchbook romance, the matches, mest, metrostation, michael jackson, midtown, my chemical romance, mychildren mybride, new found glory, nightmare of you, oh sleeper, our last night, owl city, panic! at the disco, parkway drive, pillar, pink flyd, portishead, portugal.the man, prince, queen, red hot chili peppers, red jumpsuit apparatus, relient k, the rocket summer, saosin, scary kids scaring kids, secondhand serenade, the secret handshake, self against city, senses fail, she wants revenge, shiny toy guns, showbread, silverstein, skillet, sky eats airplane, the spill canvas, so they say, southcott, the starting line, switchfoot, story of the year, the strokes, sugarcult, system of a down, taking back sunday, tenth avenue north, these fallen walls, third day, third eye blind, three days grace, timbaland, too sorry for apologies, they might be giants, thriving ivory, underoath, the used, waking ashland, war of ages, weezer, weird al yankovich, the white stripes, yellowcard, +44, 30 seconds to mars, and sooo much more...